how can u be prego again
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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