can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Randomize
