that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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