Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
