I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
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