and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
