sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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