My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
