I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
