Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
