Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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