grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
