Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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