At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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