my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
