If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
