May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
