Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
No more Irish car bombs ever.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
It's never too late to be topless.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
