i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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