I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Randomize
