if you like me you must not know who I am
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
