You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
