I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Randomize
