I'm lost and stupid without you.
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
