Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
