i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
