Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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