Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
