six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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