I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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