I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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