i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
