I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Randomize
