so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Randomize
