My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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