There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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