She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
