Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
