i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
she woke up with a sticky ear
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
