You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
