Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
