I think my vagina is haunted
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
