she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
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