I cockslap morals
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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