Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
