guys are not supposed to queef...right?
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
