You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
