jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Randomize
