I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
