I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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