i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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