I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
