Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Randomize
