The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
