I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
