Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
So much Jack, so little girl.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
