actually, I'm a sock model
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
