Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
sarcasm needs its own font
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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