Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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