went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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