She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
