Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
