just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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