We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
