We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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