i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
